Every financial blogger, planner, analyst, advisor, guru and even your mom are telling you that you need a budget.
Maybe you tried to draft one once or twice and couldn’t stick to it. Maybe you aren’t the financial plan kind of person, because a budget is a financial plan and not a noose.
Maybe you just don’t need one. Everything is going great, right?! It’s all sunshine and daisies. So, why stress yourself out over numbers?
If you need new excuses or reasons to justify your lack of a financial plan, I’ve got you covered.
Here are the top 12 reasons you don’t need a budget:
12. You are lonely and enjoy getting random phone calls from creditors throughout the day.
They make you feel valued and wanted – after all they call you four or five times a day!
11. You enjoy living on the edge – constantly scrambling to pay your bills on time is a sport.
You consider the week a win when you didn’t have to borrow money from friends or family because you picked up a new sketchy side hustle or managed to find enough loose change in your couch to cover that last $3.00 you were short for the cell phone bill.
10. Retirement sounds boring – you don’t need to put money away to retire because you don’t want to retire!
Spending your time however you want. Traveling. Relaxing with family, secure in the knowledge that your bills are covered and your investment accounts are generating enough money for you to live off of is a full-on yawn fest! It’s much more fun to work until the day you die, making someone else rich and fighting for a few meager vacation days with your micro-manager. That’s the life!
9. You need to lose weight and you’ve been putting off changing your diet – not being able to afford food is an excellent way to shed some pounds for bathing suit season.
Seriously? Stop buying over priced Frappuccinos, walk to work and take the stairs. You’ll be shedding pounds in no time and eating real food in place of those frosty, calorie laden cups of despair.
8. Emergencies are for the unlucky – you never have emergencies and if one pops up the money will just fall into your lap.
You’re lucky right? Everything always works out. The money you need will just materialize as if it came in on a Star Trek transporter pad. This is how you get out of every jam and your luck will never run out.
7. You never pay overdraft fees because you are constantly coming up with good reasons the bank should remove them from your account.
Your list of plausible reasons will never run out! You are a master of excuses, after all.
6. Your landlord loves you and doesn’t mind that your rent is always late.
He loves calling and banging on your door. Those eviction threats are just a plea for your attention. If you invite him out for a few beers or some espresso, then he’ll back down and let it slide…again.
5. The repo man can’t take your car if he can’t find it.
Parking it at Grandma’s house is sure to keep it safe. He’ll never look there!
4. Credit scores and golf strokes are the same thing.
The lower the better! It’s just a fictitious number calculated by nameless, faceless suits at a credit bureau, right? It doesn’t mean anything. Having a high FICO score is a vanity thing from the 1980’s – long forgotten like Beta-max machines. Your low credit score hasn’t kept you from getting an apartment or a new job…has it?
3. Student loans are a millennial status symbol.
You have to have crushing, huge student loan debt that you have no plan for paying off, otherwise you will be laughed out of the microbrewery! Student loans are no big deal. Everyone you know has them. If you don’t pay it, it will just go away.
2. Net worth is a thing of the past.
You don’t need money. There’s no need to have cash or liquid assets. Investments? What are those? You don’t need those. It’s all just a racket. You can’t take it with you so you might as well have fun now.
1. Everyone is in debt, it’s not just me.
You don’t want to be the oddball in your social circle. You need debt to bond over. Well, you never talk about your debt, it’s just a silent commiseration kind of bond. Debt has been the American way for decades now. Someone will give you more credit, you just haven’t looked at the right websites yet.
I hope you detected the heavy sarcasm in my list and are ready to take a look at your finances with me. We will go over basic budgeting in my next post.
If you’re in a hurry to get started, grab a cup of coffee and sit down and write out all your debt on a list. Then write out all your monthly bills on another. On a third list write all your income. I’ll tell you how to harness all that scary information in my next post.